New sisters

I'll introduce new friends I have met here: From left,
Hannah is from India. Her husband is a post-doc fellow here. Suffering from her husband's abandonment, she has not lost her hope in God.
Ablavi, my first African friend who is from Ivory Coast, has a shy smile. She came here with her husband, Aklasso, who is always smiling and fun-loving. She is carrying her first baby due in one month.
Jyothsana is also from India. She just finished her master's in civil engineering (sounds daunting to an English major:) and got a job in Austin. She is mature and smart. With Hindu parents, she is afraid of telling them she's become a believer.
Nga, who is from Vietnam, goes to a different church, so she is not in the picture. She is studying Math alone with her husband and daughter waiting for her return in Vietnam. Like in China, faith is tested by the government's oppression. Her husband had to lose his job because of his faith and has an unstable job even now.

Nga became a Christian when her husband and she were visiting Russia. Jyothsana lived in Nigeria until she went to college in India. All these transnational migrations are very fascinating. The mapping of a kingdom of heaven resting on faith truly passes borders and boundaries.

God's small children

Eager to take everything that happens to me as God's grace, I stop to think, maybe, I have been taking it in a self-centered way, from the perspective of the present. When what seems good to me happens, I take it as God's grace with joy right away; but when what seems hard to take happens, I wonder why this is happening to me. "Me" is in the center, not God, in such a way of thinking. Even what seems bad to me for now might turn out good for someone whom I may know or not, or even for myself when I look back later.

Sometimes unwittingly, we put "us," "our community," or "our country" in the center in our pursuit of God's will and guidance. And we become so self-important or aggressive even in our gestures of "charity." We are so idolatrous in filling God's unknown face with what is familiar to us. Being humble is, maybe, leaving a space between what is knowable about God's will through our knowledge and experiences and the true face of Him: enduring and respecting the lack in our reasoning and knowing; welcoming those epiphanic moments of our puffed self being cracked through humbling revelations of our lack and weakness.

Truth is always larger than us. That's why we do and should remain small children of God.

Making a choice

I have a day full of hope with light surrounding and protecting me. The very next day, I stumble on familiar-looking dark thoughts.

Faith is, maybe, a choice we have to make every day.
We choose to live with joy, not with sadness; with hope, not with despair.

Faith is "being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."
We make "what is not seen yet" a substance, what we hppe for a reality through our faith.

There is a time of darkness, which comes down like a hawk to snatch away our hope.
A moment of crisis is, however, another chance to reaffirm our faith in the One who endured everything and rose to heaven.

The question is again and again: do you believe? and what do you really hope for in your faith?

What makes a new place home

A few more new Asian restaurants, a new nice block of restaurants with a fountain at the center (I am now in one of them, looking outside at the fountain after lunch), a study room in the library, a new refridgerator in my apartment (the management office replaced the old, non-working one with a new one), a free Ethernet (somehow I'm using it for free)...all these things that surprised, satisfied or amused me, however, don't make this town home to me. This place was a place of darkness, depression, hopelessness, and despair to me before. I left because there was no hope. As days go by after I came back, however, I'm finding this place full of surprises, good surprises: my old prejudicial ideas shattered by "new life" given by God.

Finally confronting the pieces of reality I left behind, I was a bit down. It seemed that everyone else had been making strides while I was dawdling at the same place...by worldy standards. And God is gracious. Every day I am realizing how God provides everything according to His plan in perfect timing. As I fill every day with my prayers, as I seek God in every place I go and everyone I meet here, I start to like this town. It is not the same place, becoming more and more like home. Surprised and amazed by how God has changed everything through new life in me, I now see I am continuing my journey with, in and toward God here where the flat land makes the sky a huge canvas for God. Yes, our God is faithful. I'm hoping to record my walk with Jesus in this place, His faithful guidance, how His promises are fulfilled.

With Paul, I'll say with joy, "I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord."

Restless

Now back to Texas. This new place--familiar but strange--is still not quite real to me. Do I miss Bloomington and friends there or the sense of joy filling my heart and body, which I had through fellowship? Something is lacking here, but I can't pinpoint what it is. Is it people or the surroundings? Or is it just me, something of me missing? But am I really missing something? Driving down to Texas, I felt God's grace, His guidance and protection. I entered Texas full of hope and thanks. Done with setting up a new home and feeling a bit lonely, however, I've got this feeling of being lost somewhere, don't-know-what-to-do restlessness. It might be just the kind of feeling I usually have before setting out to do something I have to do--writing. Now, I know I need to focus on my study and work hard. I may be simply afraid of throwing myself into the stage of writing my dissertation. Because I know it is so consuming... Will it be the same as before?

Am I the same as before? No. I know that there will be moments of joy and excitement, frustration and disappointment in writing as before. With God in the center of my heart and being, however, there will be more, something "extra", which will change everything. To see how God will guide me and reveal His way--I have to take the first step of faith. Ready?

The Wonder of Nature

All kinds of creatures welcomed us when our group hiked Ogle Lake at Brown County State Park. A milipede, frogs, water snakes, tadpoles, turtles, fish, and terrifying rattlesnake! Did they come out to say farewell to me:)? We were awed by the wonder of God's creation in nature.

Holy Vigilance

A cook-out party at Lake Monroe, a graduation party at Baizil's friend's house, a game night at Minjung's...the list of events and activities we had in May goes on; I even had a farewell cake already while I'm not leaving Bloomington yet:) The end of Spring this year is a time of ending and starting a stage of life for me. It is truly so in more than one way. My three-year stay in Bloomington turned out to be a departure totally different from that I wanted to make. My journey to know and follow God has started when I put down my guard and said, "Yes, my Lord." I feel going back to Texas is part of this journey, not just returning to pick up what I left behind in the past.

These days, I've been wondering what makes us believers "extraordinary," different from other "ordinary" people. Non-christians can be nicer, more charitable, more honest, more successful and so on. Will I recognize members of my church as Christians when I see them in their work places? If my friends in Texas see me again, will they recognize the light guiding my steps now?

Looking over my notes from my readings last year, I found this: Detachment as "being free from wanting certain things to happen, and remaining so trusting of God that what is happening will be the thing you want and you will be at peace with all." Kathleen Norris elaborates her quote of Dorotheus of Gaza further: "neither passive nor remote but paradoxically fully engaged with the world...It is not resignation, but a vigilance that allows a person to recognize that whatever comes is a gift from God."

Not too attached to this world, nor too aloof from it. Being mature in faith is, I think, becoming more humble in our worldly power, human knowledge, and materials means. My journey in God is, then, a life-long process of learning a holy vigilance: recognizing and accepting whatever comes to me with thanks, or discerning God's wills in everything that takes place in our lives.

I pray and hope that my thankful and joyful heart will show itself.

"April is the cruellest month"

April is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.

T.S. Eliot begins his famous poem, "The Waste Land," with this ironic definition. April is a time when the renewal of the physical world is heralded by spring flowers and green buds on trees. But it is also a time of spiritual rebirth, when Jesus died for us and rose up to be with God. That is exactly what makes April so cruel to modern people who want to live without any reminders of renewal or rebirth; "we are comfortable enough as we are."

A time of darkness, questioning. Heart troubled and saddened. Shootings by a Korean native at Virginia Tech; 33 dead including the killer. Pangs at heart. Hard to take in, chew, and swallow. What is the point of all that happened? Pointless, meaningless? What was all that about? Self-deception? All made up, day-dreaming? Why should it be so hard for some people to take off chains of their sins? born into a ring of sin and burdened by consequences of their fathers' sins? Black sheep, no one to lean on, the stigma of loneliness.

In between my rambling thoughts, it hits me that all these might look totally different from God's perspective. We mourn over apparently meaningless deaths, cut-off lives, betrayals, cruelties from the perspective of this world. All these painful things remind us that we are not home yet.

The house of God in us and among us, however, is fractured by our sins. It is falling down on us by our failures.
-----------------
When God Calls You

"But as I raved and grew more fierce and wild
At every word,
Methoughts I heard one calling "Child!"
And I replied "My Lord." (George Herbert, "The Collar")

And a rolling thunder. Tires squeaking, and boom! A little boy ran into my car. Thanks to God, he was OK. The police and an ambulance came. The boy was darting to cross the street with his grandpa following him while his grandma was in the car. It happened right after a stop sign, so I was not speeding much. It could have been worse, much worse. But it was close. Only a breath, a step away from a catastrophe. The boy's grandparents, shaky themselves, were nice people and comforted me by giving me a hug. I think they are Christians.

When it happened, surprisingly, it calmed my spirit although my body was shaking. Maybe, it is a wake-up call from God. God's sign that His kingdom is supported by our love and kindness to each other, that Light has been with us all the time even when we are in darkness. Do not numb your mind with dark thoughts. "Look, I'm creating a new thing. Can't you perceive it?"

Waiting in patience, we often forget that God is with us. We think we are carrying our crosses, our burdens on our own when it is Christ that carries them for us. Be humble, and put your hope in God. Listen! God is calling you.

"Child!"
"Yes, my Lord."

Kindness: Hesed

Last night, our bible study group read the episode of David's merciful act to Jonathan's crippled son Mephibosheth. It was an act in accordance with a covenant David made with Jonathan that he would show kindness to Jonathan and his family like that of the Lord.

Chrestotes in Greek and hesed (or chesed) in Hebrew are translated into the English word "kindness." Chrestotes means, "benignity, kindness, usefulness; the opposite of severity or cutting something short and quickly; grace which pervades the whole nature, mellowing all which would be harsh and austere. Hesed is more complex, translated as "lovingkindness,"
"mercy," "love," "grace" and even "loyalty" and "devotion." It is sometimes used in a context with a covenant relationship. Some argue it is something given because of obligation, but others assert that it is freely given. (http://cgg.org/index.cfm/fuseaction/Library.sr/CT/PERSONAL/k/259/The-Fruit-of-Spirit-Kindness.htm)

Searching online the Hebrew word for kindness, I came across another related Hebrew word, Dalet. It means "door" or "that has nothing of her own." In man's service of God, the dalet characterizes "shiflut," "lowliness," the consciousness of possessing nothing of one's own. Then, free choice is no more than the expression of one's will to participate in the Divine act. The door to God's house is open to the humble of spirit. The door itself, the dalet, is the property of humility and lowliness. (http://www.inner.org/hebleter/dalet.htm)

It succinctly summarizes our relationship with God. We find the door to God's house when we become lowly; when we realize we do have nothing of our own. Maybe, that's why moments of despair can turn into beginnings of a hopeful journey home. God has been knocking on the door, so we can open our hearts to Him. But there are stubborn hearts that will not listen to God's voice until it becomes a thunder. I was one of those.

Can we say that a "covenant" is "a relationship" based on faith and love? In that sense, it is different from a formal contract which is legallly binding. It is personal and intimate like that between David and Jonathan. We enter into a covenant with God through Jesus to do acts of kindness toward others. Jesus' kindness was freely given to us out of love, and we are called to be kind to each other as followers of Jesus.

I was wondering when we could say we had enough in a relationship. Maybe, never.

A Bud of Hope

The hope of a new life not visible yet but ripening to break through the hard shell stirs my heart. I wonder how long God has been watching over my life and guiding me even when I did not know Him. If I chose to go to Maryland, not to Bloomington, could I have become a Christian? Lost without a ray of hope, I was seeking. Maybe, my soul was calling out for help, and our compassionate God heard my cry and found me.

I am sometimes surprised to find out how God has prepared and provided. I came across a Korean translation agency's ad for translators when I visited the IU KSA website before moving to Bloomington. It has worked out well as my main source of income. God has never left me in want since. I wished I could live as part of a community. I had my wish fulfilled here.

Now, thinking about moving back to Texas seriously, I am excited at the thought of a different life I will lead there with God's guidance; my heart is buoyed up by joyful expectations of what God will have prepared. It was God that made my life in Bloomington rich and beautiful through fellowship with God's people.

Where you are is not really important. Being with God, that is all that matters.

God's Ways

I'm so grateful to God that I was allowed to remember and reflect on the passion of Jesus Christ by having a personally hard time in Holy Week. Groaning with my heart crushed by the pain of being betrayed by my closest friend, I cannot even imagine what Jesus would have gone through with all our sins on him and when even God looked away from him. Celebrating the new life given by the resurrection of Jesus today, I feel I was lucky to have struggled through dark hours to appreciate what was given to me.

Anticipating the time of his suffering, Jesus said to his disciples, "Take heart! I have overcome the world." Yes, the curse of sin and death was broken forever when Jesus rose from his death. We died with him to sin! On Good Friday, suddenly, I was reminded of God's words I received exactly one year ago: "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? (Isaiah 43:18-19)" Even after one year, wasn't I still living in bondage to my old ways, thoughts, and fear? Can't you give God the reins of your life?

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. God is challenging me how much I would trust Him. Saying I want to follow God, I was still insisting on my ways.

Pastor Bob said on his Easter sermon we only need to simply confess, simply believe, simply follow. We need no more than simple and weak faith to have eternal life. Not strong faith, which thinks it can make it itself.

Lord, let me take a step today to follow you. Guide me in your ways. Halleluya.

God's Promise

On Palm Sunday, I had another faith walk, this time not alone but with Melanie. At the end of the walk, while we were talking about God's plan and promises, we saw an unbroken arch of rainbow in bright colors hanging over us. A wonderful moment in which God promises His faithfulness. God's encouragement to put hope in Him.

With Good Friday coming, I started to read the part in the Book of John where Jesus tells his disciples that his time has come. What grabbed my attention and heart there was his confession, "Now my heart is troubled." Jesus was troubled at heart at the thought of suffering and dying on the cross with all our sins on himself. It must have been darkest hours, a time of temptation, which peaked when Jesus cried out, "Eloi, Eloi, lama Sabachthani? (My God, my god, why have you forsaken me?)" But Jesus continues to say, "and what shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour'? No, it was for this very reason I came to this hour. Father, glorify your name."

Following Jesus with our own cross, we also look forward to the time of glory that comes after a dark time in which we struggle against desparing thoughts and voices. What did our Lord Jesus do when his heart was troubled? Yes, he prayed.

Now, it's time to pray.

Rilke on Love

"For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the final test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.

That is why young people, who are beginners in everything, are not yet capable of love: it is something they must learn. With their whole being, with all their forces, gathered around their solitary, anxious, upward-beating heart, they must learn to love.

But learning-time is always a long, secluded time ahead and far on into life, is - solitude, a heightened and deepened kind of aloneness for the person who loves. Loving does not at first mean merging, surrendering, and uniting with another person (for what would a union be of two people who are unclarified, unfinished, and still incoherent - ?), it is a high inducement for the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world in himself for the sake of another person; it is a great, demanding claim on him, something that chooses him and calls him to vast distances.

Only in this sense, as the task of working on themselves ("to hearken and to hammer day and night"), may young people use the love that is given to them. Merging and surrendering and every kind of communion is not for them (who must still, for a long, long time, save and gather themselves); it is the ultimate, is perhaps that for which human lives are as yet barely large enough.

But this is what young people are so often and so disastrously wrong in doing; they (who by their very nature are impatient) fling themselves at each other when love takes hold of them, they scatter themselves, just as they are, in all their messiness, disorder, bewilderment. . . . :

And what can happen then? What can life do with this heap of half-broken things that they call their communion and that they would like to call their happiness, if that were possible, and their future? And so each of them loses himself for the sake of the other person, and loses the other, and many others who still wanted to come.

And loses the vast distances and possibilities, gives up the approaching and fleeing of gentle, prescient Things in exchange for an unfruitful confusion, out of which nothing more can come; nothing but a bit of disgust, disappointment, and poverty, and the escape into one of the many conventions that have been put up in great numbers like public shelters on this most dangerous road.

The claims that the difficult work of love makes upon our development are greater than life, and we, as beginners, are not equal to them. But if we nevertheless endure and take this love upon us as burden and apprenticeship, instead of losing ourselves in the whole easy and frivolous game behind which people have hidden from the most solemn solemnity of their being, - then a small advance and a lightening will perhaps be perceptible to those who come long after us. That would be much.


--From Letter 7, "Letters to a Young Poet"

God's Sovereignty

Wondering where God's will lies, I am comforted by the fact that God is sovereign: God is strong and wise enough to make all things work together for our good and for His glroy.

"His dominion is an everlasting dominion, and his kingdom endures from generation to generation; all the inhabitants of the earth are accounted as nothing, and he does according to his will among the host of heaven and among the inhabitants of the earth; and none can stay his hand or say to him, "What have you done?" (Daniel 4:34-35)

Seeing beyond Pain

When you are in pain, pain at heart, it's so hard to see beyond it because it consumes all of you, your thoughts and feelings. Pain tears your heart, so you feel like even hard to breathe.

Praying at such a moment turns your heart and mind from poisonous thoughts and makes you remember God's commandment of love: Love one another as I have loved you. Do not let yourself be guided by pain. Do not turn into a demon yourself. Pray, pray for love and forgiveness. And God comes and sees you.

Liberal Theology

Last week, our bible study group had a special topic discussion about liberal theology. I'm not opposed to the idea that we need to ask questions about how to read the Bible. The Holy Scriptures were inspired by God but written by human writers in human words. Questions regarding epistemological and hermeneutic approaches and methods can arise as with liberal theologists: figurative reading vs. literal reading; contextualizing the Scriptures; the inerrancy of the Bible; real vs. mythic accounts of Jesus.

Some fragmentary thoughts and questions:

1. When our Lord came to us, he used figures and stories in his teachings. Why?

2. The mystery of the Scriptures to me is that the words become "living" to believers. That is why the experience of reading the holy texts is so different for believers and for non-believers. And even for believers, the words and passages in the Bible read differently each time according to your spiritual state or attitude (as Minjung says) or life situations, etc. We can (and may have to at some point of our life according to Daniel) ask questions concerning epistemological and interpretative approaches and methods as applied to other texts, but I think we have to remember that there is a dimension of "more than the text" in the Bible: for instance, the Church or the Holy Spirit.

3. The fact that the Gospels were written much later not by the apostles but by other writers does not shake their credibility, but rather suggests the nature of Truth as revealed through acts of the Holy Spirit, I think. When Jesus came to his hometown, those who knew him as their neighbor were the very people who did not recongnize Truth and did not listen to his preachings. Our Lord is not defined only by what he did and said during his lifetime; the meaning of his death and resurrection has been revealed through the formation and spread of the faith community and acts of the Holy Spirit.

The Right to Be Angry

For the past two weeks, I have been in a despairing mode...because I thought I deserved better.

Today, on Lord's day, God answered my prayer that He gives me guidance.
After lunch, my wonderful friends Saeid and Minjung gave me a ride home. I asked whether they ever had a fight. Describing Saeid as a calm and peaceful person, Minjung told me that he can be so peaceful because he thinks he does not have the right to be upset or angry. He basically thinks he has no such right to anything.

And...it opened my eyes to see my shameful thoghts and acts for the past few days. I was thinking I had the right to be upset!!! God wants me to see that I have put myself in the position of a righteous person who suffered, endured and so deserved better.

When a certain act of following Jesus becomes a "sacrifice," you do it not for God, but for yourself. On the road to the cross, Jesus did not say, "I sacrifice myself to save men," but followed God's will humbly and willingly with love. When God came to us, he came as a servant, not as a righteous warrior. Our hope was born in a barn!

An insight to the issue of making decisions according to God's will:
The question may be not what to choose, but HOW to choose.

A Faith Walk

There is a route I take when I go for a walk, simply for exercise or whenever my heart is burdened or stricken with pain: from home through Smith Road to Bryan Park and back. I named this a faith walk because my heart roars with cries, complaints, despair when I go out but becomes calm and renewed on the way back. Sometimes, I can't even breathe with pain. About the time I arrive at and walk around the park, my soul is calling on God for help. And...God always finds and heals me.

Today, I found myself repeating, "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want." I was praying God help me remove all those negative voices and thoughts, protect and purify my heart. Suddenly, I realized we should not poison our hearts with despair, sorrow, and hatred no matter how much we are hurt. On my way back, my heart was light and at peace. Another faith walk that renewed my spirit in God.

Lord, light my path with your truth and grace.
Let me serve you with a joyful heart.

Being humble

A Korean writer once said in an interview: When you are lowered bottomlessly, then you see God."

How come we see God, the Most High, only when we are lowered and humbled?
Is it because we do not know how needy we are until we are lowered?
because we realize the lack inside? our foolishness and weakness?
In darkness, we seek God's light;
In pain, we cry out for help;

And God is "the one who sees me"...

Zizek: The Puppet and the Dwarf

"The Jewish God is the Real Thing of Beyond, while the divine dimension of Christ is just a tiny grimace, an imperceptible shade, which differentiates him from other (ordinary) humans. Christ is not 'sublime' in the sense of an 'object elevated to the dignity of a Thing,' he is not a stand-in for the impossible Thing-God; he is, rather, 'the Thing itself,' or, more accurately, 'the Thing itslef' is nothing but the rupture/gap which makes Christ not fully human.

We rise again from the Fall not by undoing its effects, but in recognizing the longed-for liberation in the Fall itself. ... for Christianity, the Fall is not really a Fall at all, but 'in itself' its very opposite, the emergence of freedom. ... The task is thus not to return to a previous 'higher' existence, but to transform our lives in this world. In Saint Thomas' Gospel, we can read: 'His disciples said to him: "When will the resurrection of the dead take place, and when will the new world come?" He said to them: "That (resurrection) which you are awaiting has (already) come, but you do not recognize it."' This is the key 'Hegelian' point of Christianity: the resurrection of the dead is not a 'real event' which will take place sometime in the future, but something that is already here--we merely have to shift our subjective position."

Zizek meditates on the ontological significance of the Fall and the Resurrection here, undercutting the easy distinction between this world and a world to come. Faith as transforming our lives here and now, as realizing God's promises... We are called to live as a truly reborn in God. But...are we?

Andrei Tarkovsky: The Stalker (1979)

Tarkovsky's comments on his films:

"Anyone who wants can look at my films as into a mirror, in which he will see himself. My function is to make whoever sees my films aware of his need to love and to give his love, and aware that beauty is summoning him."

On "The Stalker":

"The Zone doesn't symbolize anything, any more than anything else does in my films; the zone is a zone, it's life, and as he makes his way across it a man may break down or he may come through. Whether he comes through or not depends on his own self-respect, and his capacity to distinguish what matters and what is merely passing."

"But There Has to Be More"
- by Arseny Tarkovsky (Tarkovsky's brother)

Now summer is gone.
And might never have been.
In the sunshine it's warm.
But there has to be more.

It all came to pass,
All fell into my hands
like a five-petalled leaf,
But there has to be more.

Nothing evil was lost,
Nothing good was in vain,
All ablaze with clear light
But there has to be more.

Life gathered me up
Safe under its wing,
My luck always held,
But there has to be more.

Not a leaf was burnt up
Not a twig ever snapped ...
Clean as glass is the day,
But there has to be more.

Maybe, "The Stalker" is a movie about 'what more there has to be in our life.' Is it true that our desire for 'more' cannot be filled? When it is filled, there is emptiness again. We don't even know what we really want.

The writer in the movie tells the stalker;

"You're just a God's fool. You have no idea what's going on here. Why do you think Porcupine hanged himself? ... Why didn't he come here again, not for money, but for his brother in way of repenting" ... Because he realized that not just any wish comes true here, but only your innermost wish. Not what would you hooler at the top of your voice. Coming true here is only what's in line with your nature, with your essence, of which you know nothing. But it's there, in you, directing you all your life. You didn't understand anything, Leather Stocking. It wasn't greed that had done Porcupine in. He was crawling in this puddle, begging to bring his brother back. But what he got was only money, and he couldn't get anything else, because render unto Porcupine the things that are Porcupine's! And things like conscience, anguish, they are just inventions. He realized that and hanged himself. ... You don't understnad anything about human beings, Chingachgook."

We do not know what our innermost desire is. Sometimes, what we pray for seems to be thwarted, not answered by God. Our discontented heart boils with why.
Pastor Bob talked about a passive kind of faith last Sunday; not that kind in which we want something and pray for it hard, but that we believe God and stay out of God's way.
Not our will, but God's will.
Not our way, but God's way.

God Listens!

I once wondered how I could reconcile my new self in God with my old self, feeling insecure about going back to my study of English Literature. Now, I see that the process of reading and thinking for my dissertation can be used to think and learn about knowing God, faith, and Church. Most of all, I have strength to go back! Isn't this God's grace? Yes, God listens.

'If anyone come to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters--yes, even his own life--he cannot be my disciple' (Luke 14:26)

Zizek explains this embarassing passage as a process of "unplugging." According to him, "hate" in this passage is a direct expression of Paulian "love" in that we cannot love others until we cut our family ties, ties to the organic community we are born into. Sometimes, our love for our own can blind our eyes. Someone once said, do not love God's gift more than God. Then, maybe, we can read Abraham's willing act to sacrifice Isaac from this perspective of unplugging. God's ultimate test: can you be alone with God and satisfied?

Zizek, The Fragile Absolute

An interesting point about man's relation to the Divine life I met reading Zizek's The Fragile Absolute:

Schelling's problem is not 'What does God mean in our--human--eyes? Does He still mean anything? Is it possible to account for human history without any reference to God? Is God just a projection of human fantasies?, but the opposite one: 'What does man mean in the eyes of God?'...his problem is: What role does the emergence of man play in the Divine life? Why--in order to resolve what kind of deadlock--did God have to create man? Within this context, the criticism of 'anthromorphism' ... again misses the point: 'anthropomorphism' in the description of the Divine life is not only to be avoided; it is, rather, to be openly endorsed--not because man is 'similar' to God, but because man directly is part of the Divine life, that is, because it is only in man, in human history, that God fully realizes Himself, that He becomes an actual living God.

Is this too this-worldly? too human-centered?