Now back to Texas. This new place--familiar but strange--is still not quite real to me. Do I miss Bloomington and friends there or the sense of joy filling my heart and body, which I had through fellowship? Something is lacking here, but I can't pinpoint what it is. Is it people or the surroundings? Or is it just me, something of me missing? But am I really missing something? Driving down to Texas, I felt God's grace, His guidance and protection. I entered Texas full of hope and thanks. Done with setting up a new home and feeling a bit lonely, however, I've got this feeling of being lost somewhere, don't-know-what-to-do restlessness. It might be just the kind of feeling I usually have before setting out to do something I have to do--writing. Now, I know I need to focus on my study and work hard. I may be simply afraid of throwing myself into the stage of writing my dissertation. Because I know it is so consuming... Will it be the same as before?
Am I the same as before? No. I know that there will be moments of joy and excitement, frustration and disappointment in writing as before. With God in the center of my heart and being, however, there will be more, something "extra", which will change everything. To see how God will guide me and reveal His way--I have to take the first step of faith. Ready?
1 comment:
Seenhwa,
I love the honest questions in this post. You are not the same person anymore, so yes, you have left the comfort of the familiar. But you have left in faith and blessing. God has led you here and in this land there is something new that God wants to teach you. Just take the next step in front of you and watch as our God continues to unfold his plan in your life.
May your restless spirit find rest in him tonight.
love, Mel
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